辦公室新規定 @ 紐約夜未眠

EFFECTIVE IMMEDITATELY

立即生效
NEW OFFICE POLICY

辦公室新規定

Dress Code:
服裝規定
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
建議你根據所得來選擇衣服穿著.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.
我們如果看到你穿prada鞋子, 帶Gucci包包.我們假設你很會理財, 所以不用加薪.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.
如果你穿的很貧乏, 你應該學習如何理財, 才能穿的適合一點. 所以不用加薪.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
如果你穿的剛好. 你做的很好, 正好適合你的所得. 所以不用加薪.

Sick Days:
病假
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
我們不再接受醫生證明來請病假. 你如果能夠到醫院去看醫生, 你就能夠到公司來上班.

Personal Days:
事假
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
每個員工一年都有104天事假, 他們叫做週六和週日.

Bathroom Breaks:
用廁時間
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
大家使用太多時間如廁. 即日起, 如廁時間限時3分鐘. 3分鐘前,警鈴將響起, 衛生紙捲縮回, 廁所門自動打開, 並自動照相.
第二次犯規, 你的如廁照片將被貼在公佈欄裡, 位於欄位”慢性罪犯”. 任何人被拍到在微笑, 將依公司精神健康政策被隔離

Lunch Break:
午餐時間
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
瘦子員工30分鐘午餐時間, 因為他們需多吃, 才能看起來健康一點.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
正常體重員工15分午餐時間, 他們吃的均衡來維持正常體格, 不用太多時間.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
胖子員工有5分鐘午餐時間. 他們唯一需要的是喝一杯slim fast減肥飲品.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.